How to overcome the fear of having sex with a new partner

The fear of having sex with a new partner is not uncommon. Even if you're experienced, thoughts like "What if he doesn't like me," "What if I don't give pleasure," or "What if I seem awkward" can drive you crazy. And that's okay. The main thing is not to run away from these thoughts, but to take control of them and learn to relax.

The first rule is not to put pressure on yourself. Fear and excitement go hand in hand. Muscles are clenched, breathing is short, and the body is tense. While you're thinking about how to "do everything right," you're already starting to get clamped down. First, turn off the "critic's head" - forget about the perfect poses, the perfect partner size, or the perfect reaction. Your task is to feel the body.

Start by preparing your body. Massage your breasts, thighs, and perineum a little with your fingers, a massager, or just caresses. Take a few deep breaths in and out to relax your pelvic muscles. If the body is pinched, penetration or intimacy will be difficult and may be painful. Light foreplay, where you control the pace yourself - kissing, stroking, stimulating the clitoris or nipples - reduces fear and increases desire.

A psychological trick that really works is to talk to yourself and your partner. You can joke or say directly, "I'm a little nervous, but I want to try." This relieves tension and lets your partner know that you need to act gently, without haste. Talking about desires and boundaries is not boring, it's like an instruction for enjoyment: where is slower, where is deeper, what is pleasant and what is not.

Don't be afraid of self-stimulation. Yes, it sounds simple, but knowing what you like is the key to confidence. You can practice in advance - insert a finger or a small toy, play with a cleater, find out how the body reacts to pressure, rhythm, angle. When the body is familiar with these sensations, the fear of a new partner decreases significantly.

Foreplay is more important than sex. No need to jump into penetration right away. You can start with oral, finger, light massage of the buttocks or anal area, if you like. A slow pace allows the body to adjust and open up. Sexologists say that strong arousal and relaxed muscles make sensations brighter and more intense, and fear dissolves almost imperceptibly.

Posture matters. If you feel fear, choose positions where you control the depth and tempo. From above, on your side, on your back with bent knees - you decide how and where to move. The rush here only adds to the tension.

Practical tips on how to overcome fear:

Acknowledge the fear and laugh at it. Yes, it can be awkward, but laughter relieves tension.

Breathe deeply and slowly, feel the body, not the "evaluation" of the partner.

Start with caresses, kisses, touches, gradually move on to penetration.

Use self-stimulation to understand your body and reactions.

Talk to your partner about pace, depth, and areas where it feels good or painful.

Mediative relaxing music, showers, candles - all this helps to switch the brain from anxiety to pleasure.

Don't be afraid to say "stop" or "wait." It doesn't make you bad or boring.

Sexual fear can be turned into arousal. Sometimes it manifests itself as tension in the perineum, cramp in the hips or vaginal dryness - this is a signal that the body is not yet relaxed. Take your time, use your fingers, lube, caresses, and breathing. After a couple of minutes, the body gets involved in the process, the fear dissolves, and the sensations become vivid and sharp.

The main idea is that sex with a new partner doesn't have to be perfect. Sometimes the first meetings are awkward, but it is through these moments that trust, intimacy and the feeling that you can be honest and liberated with this person are born. Fear can be used as an indicator - it shows where you need to be softer and more attentive to yourself. And then desire gradually replaces anxiety, and sex turns into pleasure.

Sofia, your guide to passion, intimacy and sexual trust