There is one topic that is not usually discussed out loud even among our own. Especially in an industry where sexuality is a working tool, where the body is currency, and pleasure... well, not a priority.

The topic is simple and burning:

Why is sex, which for others is passion and flash, for us is often just physics, without a spark, without pleasure, without ourselves?

No, this is not about frigidity. Not about "problems with femininity". And not about the fact that we "don't like men".

This is about how perception changes when sex is part of a profession. About the fact that we have a different sensitivity, a different boundary and a completely different way of experiencing intimacy.

If you have ever asked yourself the question "why don't I want anything, although everything should be pleasant" - read on. You are not alone. And everything is fine with you.

You don't feel — because you've learned not to feel

The first and most bitter truth: many of us have simply learned a way to switch off. Not on purpose, not dramatically, not tragically — but gradually. Time after time, when you realized that to feel means to be vulnerable. That if you respond to every look, every touch, every word — you quickly burn out.

You started filtering. You stopped being "in the body." You went into your head. You left the feeling at the door, because there it was unbearable, and here it was a hindrance.

And here you are: beautiful, confident, moving perfectly, but inside — it's as if the lights were turned off.

Sex has stopped being personal — it has become professional

The problem is not in you, the problem is in the format.

When you have sex on demand, it's like working as a cook who doesn't eat his food. You do everything right: the right movements, the right sounds, the right dynamics. But not for yourself, but because you have to, because you are a client, because of the schedule, because of the expectation.

It is not about sympathy, not about arousal and not about desire. It is about getting into character and being good at it.

And pleasure is not in the role, it is in spontaneity, in the living, in the present. And you have not been “real” in this process for a long time. You are a professional, an actress, a script.

Pleasure requires trust. And you don’t have time for it

Here is another thing that is not talked about. To experience real arousal, pleasure, orgasm, you need to relax. And to relax, you need trust. To trust, you need to be safe.

And honestly: when was the last time you felt truly safe in bed? Not in control, not in power, but in safety?

If you are always on guard, there will be no pleasure. The body knows: if a threat is nearby, pleasure is impossible. Even if the man is not dangerous, even if he pays and is polite. Your nervous system is still in the "collected" mode, because you are at work.

You have forgotten how to be in the body

Sex without pleasure often happens because we do not... participate in it. More precisely, the body participates, but you do not.

You look at yourself from the inside, as if from the director's booth: do I look good? Am I breathing correctly? Am I too cold, passionate or passive? Is everything ok in terms of timing?

You are not in the moment, but in your head. You are not in sensations, but in control. You are not in "I feel", but in "how I look, how he perceives me".

You have learned to be perfect on the outside and have lost contact with yourself on the inside.

Paradox: the more sex, the less desire

Do you think that frequent intimacy should rock your libido? In fact: the more often you have sex without desire, the more your own dies.

The body remembers: sex is a duty, a job, a client. And it starts blocking arousal to protect you. You are still young, beautiful, everything is fine, but the desire does not appear. Even if the guy is good and everything is “suddenly for love”.

The body remembers: sex is not about me, but about someone else.

Is it possible to get the thrill back? Or is it all, professional deformation?

It is possible. But it is work. Not with scenes, not with men, but with yourself. Not everyone will dare and not everyone will want, but if you caught yourself thinking “I no longer remember what it is like to want”, it may be time to stop.

A few points to start with:

1. Remove sex from your schedule

If you can, give yourself at least a week without physical contact. No simulation, no routine meetings. A complete digital and physical detox. Let the system rest and the body become yours again, not someone else's.

2. Start feeling outside the bed

Sensitivity has atrophied not only in sex, it has also disappeared from everyday life. Try to start feeling the little things again - smells, touching your skin, the taste of food, the warmth of water, the softness of fabric.

Every time you give yourself a micro-pleasure, you learn to live in your body. And that means you regain the ability to feel in intimacy.

3. Introduce a rule: if you don’t want to - don’t do it

This sounds simple, but radical. You’re used to the fact that “you have to”, that “everything is on schedule”, you’ve forgotten how to refuse even yourself. Try to stop agreeing in your personal life out of politeness, fear or convenience. Just because you want to.

No “come on, let’s do it quickly”, “well, he tried”. If there is no inner desire - no sex. This gives you back the right to yourself, and with it - pleasure.
4. If you have a partner, tell the truth

If you have a man outside of work, don't lie to him. He's not stupid, he still feels like you're disconnected. It's better to be honest and gentle than to pretend that everything is fine.

You can say: "I'm a little lost right now. I'm in the body, but not in the sensations. I want to learn to be alive in this again. Without pressure, without expectations."

If he's an adult, he'll understand. If not, that's a different story.

You're not broken. You're just overloaded.

Remember: you're not "the one who can't get turned on," not "unfeminine," and not "soulless." You're a girl who learned to protect herself, to have sex without herself, to be a beautiful shell without a core, because it was necessary.

If one day you want to experience pleasure again - not only to give it, but to live it - it's possible. Slowly, without coercion, without "should." Just from the first small step - towards yourself, towards the body, towards the living.

You deserve pleasure. Even if work has taught you to think that it is not for you.