How to Change Your Life and Why It Can Be Challenging

There is a common belief that people do not change personally, yet various shifts in our motivations and behaviors occur daily due to new experiences, especially those that differ from our usual ones. Change is inevitable, occurring at different rates for everyone, influencing both our inner selves and outward actions. Acceptance of change often comes more easily than initiating it.

Why Is Conscious Change So Difficult?

Significant, deliberate change is often accompanied by discomfort. Understanding why change is hard can help us navigate it better. Let's explore why it's challenging and how to manage it effectively.

Do People Really Change?

Character and temperament are two aspects of personality that shape behavior and reactions. Temperament is innate and biologically determined, remaining relatively stable throughout life. Character, however, develops through life experiences, influenced by environment, upbringing, and personal choices. While temperament is less malleable, character can be more adaptable and subject to growth.

When discussing personal change, it’s important to recognize that altering acquired traits is easier than changing inherent ones. We have a set of inherent characteristics, but we cannot completely transform ourselves into someone entirely different. However, we can develop, adjust our attitudes, behaviors, and perspectives. The key is to accept ourselves as we are now and use our unique traits effectively.

Determining the Need for Change

Do you need change? The answer depends on your personal desires. It's crucial to differentiate between genuine personal needs and societal expectations. Ask yourself the following questions:

What aspects of my life or myself am I dissatisfied with?
What am I willing to change to achieve my desired outcome?
Why do I want to make this change?
What positive impact will this change bring to my life?
How would I categorize this change: “I want,” “It would be nice,” “I can do it,” “It’s the right thing,” or “I need to”?
If you repeatedly find yourself thinking about this change and it continues to feel important over time, it might be worth pursuing despite potential discomfort.

Why Is Change So Challenging?

Life inherently involves discomfort. We experience it daily, and it's a natural part of existence. Avoiding discomfort often means avoiding life itself. Changes are uncomfortable because they can evoke fears such as:

Fear of negative consequences.
Fear of losing good relationships.
Fear of failure or inability to complete the change.
Fear of judgment or criticism.
Fear of being unloved.
Fear of making mistakes.
Even minor changes can seem daunting, especially for those accustomed to stability. However, embracing new experiences can be beneficial. Allow yourself to adapt to the feeling of newness and let changes in. Here’s a strategy to help you:

Identify daily actions that do not yield positive results or contribute negatively. Gradually reduce these activities.
Recognize actions that produce good results. Replace unproductive actions with these beneficial ones.
Introduce small changes daily, even if they seem insignificant. For example, switch your morning coffee to tea, take a different route to work, or try a new hobby. Gradually incorporate these minor changes, and as you become more comfortable, take on more significant changes.
By gradually adapting to small changes, you build tolerance and readiness for more substantial transformations.