How to Develop Self-Love

Listen to Your Body

Our body is our most valuable asset. Without it, we can't enjoy delicious food, learn new skills, or fall in love; our bodies are invaluable because they are irreplaceable. However, we often treat our bodies as tools, pushing them to their limits.

What happens if we pay more attention to our body's needs?

We would rest during hectic days and ensure quality sleep at night. We would eat more nutritious food, spend more time in nature, and maybe exercise more frequently. Only you know exactly what your body needs. By truly listening to it, you can start to rebuild a loving relationship with it.

Allow Yourself to Feel

Emotions are never inherently good or bad. They are simply natural reactions to situations and often the best tool our brain has for conveying information about danger, injustice, desires, and needs.

Labeling emotions as "bad" adds shame, guilt, and disappointment just for being human. Valuing and allowing our emotions fosters deeper self-analysis and self-compassion.

Next time you feel anxiety, anger, or despair, don't automatically shut down your emotions and try to create "only positive feelings." Instead, ask yourself what this emotion is telling you about the current situation. You might find that beneath anger lies sadness and behind disappointment, confusion.

These can be valuable clues about your next steps. You may not act on what the emotion wants (for example, you don't need to punch a wall just because you're angry), but at least you are in tune with yourself rather than fighting your feelings.

Forgive Yourself and Be Patient

When we give ourselves a chance to explore new things, we also risk making mistakes. Sometimes, the consequences of these mistakes are severe, affecting our relationships, financial or physical state, and even our moral integrity.

Shame and guilt can be very painful but serve a purpose. They help us take responsibility for ourselves and others. However, they are not helpful when prolonged; it's hard to make genuine changes or grow from our mistakes when weighed down by self-hatred.

How do you see yourself?

Start by fully taking responsibility for your role in the mistake you made, and let go of what was beyond your control. Be realistic about this.

Then, acknowledge why you did what you did – perhaps in a moment of impulsive defense, you belittled a colleague in front of a boss without considering how your words would impact their position in the company.

Lastly, but most importantly, be patient. Just as it takes time to forgive someone else, it takes time to forgive yourself.

Actively show self-compassion and take corrective actions; don't punish yourself.

Set Boundaries and Be Your Own Best Advocate

Loving yourself means valuing yourself. When you value someone, you honor and protect them, not exploit them. Often, we know how to value others but falter when it comes to ourselves. For instance, we may be eager to stand up for a friend who deserves a pay raise but find excuses to delay negotiating our own salary.

We might never think of dumping papers on a colleague’s desk and begging for another favor, yet when a colleague does this to us, we struggle to say "no." What do we tell ourselves? We believe we don't deserve respect. How can you love and cherish someone if you don't even respect them?

Set boundaries for yourself, even with close relatives and friends. Maintain them kindly but firmly. Practice saying "no" to unreasonable requests in front of a mirror. Practice asking for what you need in the mirror, whether it's a salary that matches your experience or acknowledgment from a partner for past hurt.

When it's tough, imagine standing up for your best friend.